When I Was Crazy

When I was crazy in college
I wrote the F-word in pencil
on a piece of paper I borrowed
from a Kappa Delta sister.
I swear it happened that way,
before it ever profaned my lips.
Nevermind me, profaning my body,
standing at toilets the wrong way,
drinking Long Island ice teas,
binge eating if I felt like it, but
mostly starving myself to death.
When I penciled that pain on paper
in an English class, I got turned in
to the dietician, like my sacred
sisters turned me in& kicked me
out, like I wanted to be turned out
to some other path or person entirely.
When I was crazy, writing the F-word,
I would observe the Georgia O’Keefe
painting hanging in the piano room,
&think, I don’t recognize anything here.

for Real Toads

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13 thoughts on “When I Was Crazy

  1. Head in her hands, fingers outstretched in a weird fashion? Love this, Angie. Dunno why.
    I once had a grade in German III of “D” so I went to see the teacher. I was doing “B” work at least. She said to me, “Herr Hov… , from what I saw in the paper I should have given you an “F”. Did a photographer catch me in a panty raid? Or the two mile long student riot on Main Street? I often wondered, she didn’t say what the picture was about.
    Years and years later at my dad’s funeral my older cousin fessed up that HE made the paper after getting caught in a prank.
    ..

  2. O’Keefe swore plenty when the wrong neighbor bought the land she wanted. And in a psychology class of mine in college, another student penned the f-word hugely in her textbook. Then she drew attention to it with pride, so I don’t know in context (pardon the pun) what her message was. “When I penciled that pain” is so much clearer, if only, sadly, clarifying the distress.

  3. Wow, this is a real sharp set of impressions. I like the “story” you’ve presented here. The details are so vivid, this sounds autobiographical. If this is poememoir, you’ve done the genre well. Sending a big safe hug, unless that’s too intrusive, then waving unthreateningly from across the room – Mosk

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