When I was crazy in college
I wrote the F-word in pencil
on a piece of paper I borrowed
from a Kappa Delta sister.
I swear it happened that way,
before it ever profaned my lips.
Nevermind me, profaning my body,
standing at toilets the wrong way,
drinking Long Island ice teas,
binge eating if I felt like it, but
mostly starving myself to death.
When I penciled that pain on paper
in an English class, I got turned in
to the dietician, like my sacred
sisters turned me in& kicked me
out, like I wanted to be turned out
to some other path or person entirely.
When I was crazy, writing the F-word,
I would observe the Georgia O’Keefe
painting hanging in the piano room,
&think, I don’t recognize anything here.
for Real Toads