When I’m an old woman of forty-seven
I shall be shorter and wiser
And eat oatmeal and smile at the day
Like there’s no tomorrow.
I shall smile as I bust my china ass
Doing absolutely nothing but sitting
On that old crumbling thing.
I shall sit down and smile at the dates
Circled on the wall calendar I got in the mail.
And I shall eat bananas and be more hairy,
And have a cat that indefensibly looks like
The indoor kind — who sips my soup on days
I can’t parallel park or purchase pâté.
And I shall sit down, spit, and smile
At the children who think I’m dead and poke me.
I shall break my own heart and blow hard
Into an imaginary brass trombone while rocking
Out to K-State’s Wabash Cannonball fight song
In my old lady pajama pants I purchased from
Walgreens in the aisle marked, “As Seen on TV.”
I shall not comb my hair but sing a wild song.
I shall stay weird and do even more sane things
When I’m an old woman of forty-seven.

For the Toads Platform & Poetic Asides


18 thoughts on “47

  1. I don’t even know where to start, Angie!
    Wabash Cannonball!?!?! You are my forever friend – have I told you that my daughter is a Wildcat?

    PSST: I say good-bye to 47 next week and will tell you how that china ass feels at 48.
    You are the coolest chick evaaa!

    1. So cool your daughter is a Wildcat!! I was too, rocking out on the field to Wabash during my stint as a cheerleader. Seriously, is your backside getting bonier? Maybe it’s all this sitting and writing! I shall ask for a new chair for my birthday tomorrow. Why didn’t I think of that earlier?

      1. A KSU Cheerleader!! Awesome!! I had a brief stint as one at Fort Hays…shhhh….
        Happy Happy Birthday Angie – I knew we had some kindred sisterhood in us.
        And yes, the bony butt seems here to stay. Doesn’t help that I’ve broken my tailbone a couple of times – thank goodness I don’t have to look at my backside 😉
        Again – have a happy birthday tomorrow!! xoxo

  2. Ha! Let me tell you how it is to sit on my china ass of 63…..like I was 30! And when I watch Duke basketball games on TV, I put on my Cameron Crazy tee shirt and air guitar Smoke on the Water with the pep band, and then blow my trumpet to Devil in the Blue Dress or the theme from Blues Brothers when the pep band rocks out …. 63 feels better than 40. This was a fun read.

  3. Happy birthday! I’m going to save this one, okay? And as soon as I get back to the States I will find a Walgreens and look for those old-lady pajama pants just where you say they will be. 🙂

  4. Oh! Oh! OH!
    Holy cow! This is simply FANTASTIC. Heavens.
    My favorite:
    “I shall smile as I bust my china ass
    Doing absolutely nothing but sitting
    On that old crumbling thing.”

    And the poking. OH, the poking. Goodness. I could just as easily cut and paste the whole shebang. I’m so happy you come to my email inbox. This has made my day. I love the original poem, but seriously, this one kicks its arse.

    1. “Warning” by Jenny Joseph was my springboard as much as teaching kindergarten was for me this week. Kids say the darndest things. I used their oatmeal sentiments…you know because old people wouldn’t have teeth to use at breakfast. lol

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