Waiting in Line for Nachos

Fast as a wink, clouds race light as a feather over the dirt and rocks we’re standing on. We look up, and I ask out loud, why are the clouds in such a hurry, and where in the world do you think they’re going? Israel’s brown eyes melt the blue sky. He’s right. He’s astute.

The clouds look like smoke.

I should leave well enough alone, but I don’t. I offer some nonsense about the sky being on fire, and the clouds billowing just like the smoke that escapes through the chimney of your next door neighbor’s house, and it occurs to me, right then, that maybe I’m not so astute. We look down again and catch the mirrored effects of the coastal vapors. Israel, all of twelve years, inspired by the atmosphere, or maybe the pressure to hold a conversation, decides to school me. There’s cumulus, and nimbus stratus, he says.  Now, the other boys in line incline a cumulative ear. Cirrus, he continues, cumulonimbus, and altostratus. This seems a perfectly good ending, but I push him some more.  I ask Israel what the puffy ones are called. You know, the ones that look like animals? Get to the good stuff, kid, cheesy nachos await!

Simple time flies by

In a nimbus stratus speech

Bunnies fall from clouds

haibun cloud
For All Writers Out There …Rethink the haibun and haiku!


26 thoughts on “Waiting in Line for Nachos

  1. Bunnies fall from the clouds… if only more of ‘us’ could take the time to catch those bunnies… Smart lad that boy.

    Thanks for your visits to my ligo habun. 🙂

      1. I’d like to think that our writing voices can be kind of like Mel Blanc (famous cartoon voice of many beloved charactors while growing up)…we can imitate what we need to for the good of the poetic cause. Embrace your voice… yeah, I know we don’t sound quite the same as we do to others…that whole inner ear thing. But – when you give yourself credit and that occasion hug – well it just feels good.
        Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others – Write on!

  2. Okay, a few thoughts Angie (what I do when I feel as if I want to “tighten things up”), not that I felt you needed to, btw, having said that,

    I look at two things after I’ve written my haibun. Will a sentence be stronger if I take away some of the less descriptive parts of a sentence (that may detract from emphasis) and can I rearrange my words, or change one or two for greater effect, for example: “And I ask out loud, why are clouds in such a hurry, where in the world do you think they’re going?” ( I removed the words ‘the’ & ‘and’) …or .. “knowing I should leave well enough alone, I don’t!” (here I rearranged the words a little).

    These are just my thoughts for you to explore and try out as you write Angie. Another thing I do is read mine out loud for a cadence or flow to the words, that sometimes helps me to rethink how I’ve written some of my words. Your writing is beautiful, my final bit of advice don’t over think what you’ve written too much! Best of luck, Once again I greatly enjoy your writing style! xx

  3. Lovely moments captured, with wonderful description – very nice haibun with good feeling.. We’ll be doing the Honourable Mentions in Dispatches on a monthly basis soon, which should work well, with continued weekly challenges. .

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